Frustration

I received my third shot yesterday. I spoke to my doctor about my continuing and worsening stomach issues. As adding estrogen back into my system would counter the effect of the shots, she told me to purchase an over-the-counter progestine cream, which is basically synthetic progesterone. Hopefully it will help my stomach issues but I do worry that I may be fixing one issue but causing another as prolong use of fake progesterone has been known to cause cancer...the real hormone actually lowers the risk of cancer but not the fake shit. So I'm going to give this a month to see if it helps; if it doesn't, I'm going to stop take it as what's the point and it's obviously not worth the risk at that point.

But my true frustration is that I feel like a science experiment. I wonder if my doctor really believes my symptoms or if she thinks I'm a bored, white woman who needs something to complain about. And I feel like she don't really understand my issues because I'm not trying to get pregnant...but hmmm, if I do want to eventually get pregnant, don't I need to fix these issues now so that I feel like an attractive female again who can actually attract an person of the opposite sex who I deem worthy enough to be with and procreate with?

I think there needs to be a list of clear questions that doctors should ask their patients to help them determine what type of hormone balance is going on, which might help the doctors find a starting point for proper tests and medicines to administer. Right now I feel like precious moments of my life are being lost every day while they try to figure things out. I've already wasted enough years with this issue. Maybe after this treatment if I still don't feel right, it will be time for drastic measures and some kind of radical treatment.

Women not only need to "Take Back the Night" from the unknown monsters that stalk us on the streets but we need to take back our lives from these doctors, who don't listen to us and assume that we're crazy or who feel that it's easier to put us on Prozac or deal with our individual symptoms instead of taking the time to get to the root cause. I wonder how many women are on anti-depressants when they should be on something to fix their hormone imbalance? Give me the strength to keep on fighting!!!

Throwing up sucks

I am towards the end of my second month on the Lupron shots. Two days after my second shot, I got extremely moody and started crying for no reason while I was working. The tears just started falling. I was fine until this past weekend. I woke up on Saturday morning and after having a cup of coffee and nothing else, I had to throw up. It was one of those dry heaves because I had no food in my stomach. I spent the rest of the day in a fog in my room. I threw up a little that night as well. Sunday I woke up and my stomach felt better although I was still a little worn out. This morning I was nauseous again; I honestly can't remember if I threw up or not. If I did, it was mainly just phlegm. I managed to work through the day but I was tired and it was hard to concentrate. Then my parents and I got a large, sausage pizza for dinner and it was really good but before I finished my second slice, I threw everything up. It has nothing to do with the food I eat so don't gasp at the fact that I ate pizza.

On Monday, I spoke to the nurse who is overseeing my treatment and I told her about my continuing stomach issues. She mentioned that my hormone problem may actually be low estrogen. It makes sence as my stomach problems started when I started using the nuvoring. I may have had low estrogen with the PCOS and then the nuvoring dropped it down even lower. When I was using the ring, I was throwing up multiple times throughout the month. When I finally stopped using the ring a year later and stopped using any form of BC, I only threw up once a month about a week before my period...when my estrogen levels would start to drop.

I just want to cry. I'm tired of throwing up, I'm tired of having that foggy head where I can't find the words that I want, I'm tired of feeling exhausted, I'm tired of feeling emotional, and I'm tired of feeling weak and like less of a woman. I'm also tired of feeling like my hair is falling out...I know I have a huge amount of hair so that it's hard to tell but when you clog the drain almost every time you wash your hair, it's definitely an issue. I want to feel good and I want to feel like I could be attracted to that special someone.

I keep trying to remind myself that this will all get better.